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  • Goddess Canela

3 big questions!

So 2019 is upon us and I can pretty much say confidently that I don't want to go into the new year with the same energy and mentality I had for 2018. I am grateful for all the many blessings I received this year don't get it twisted but when I think back and analyze how I mostly felt this year, the words that come to mind are:

* shame

* guilt

* depressed

* limited

* lazy

* suicidal

* healing

* boring

When I think about what the situations were that had me feeling this way, a lot of it had come about from just worrying about finances, letting other people get to me, dealing with verbal abuse, toxicity and poor eating habits, internet and social media overload, lack of creativity, and emptiness inside. How I spoke about myself wasn't helpful either. I remember when I was a selfie queen and loved posting about what I was doing and who I was with. This year I felt like a clam wanting to hide myself from everyone and stay cooped up under my sheets.

When we sit and talk to ourselves, we rarely ask about what would fill our needs. We ask questions pertaining more to what do I need to do for my family, my job, my pets, my children, my parents, etc. We think so much about our responsibilities and we become wrapped up around our bills, job, school. I have become so worried about all my outer surroundings that I haven't even asked myself about what I need to do for myself and why am I forcing myself to do shit I just don't fucking want to do.

Superficial is what comes to mind a lot for me. Superficial relationships, superficial actions, doing what's traditional or bending to what society thinks is the right thing for society to do. This year I turned thirty and in this next decade I want to really embrace who I am and work towards what I really want. I held onto past hurts and traumas for so long and I no longer want them to control me. It's no secret the things that have happened to me at this point. That doesn't mean it will be part of my future. Today I spoke with a friend of mine who shared with me a numerology site and on the site you put in some information to find out what kind of year you are going to have. 2018 was a nine year for me, 2019 though! This bad boy is about to be a one for me! Woot! Woot! I am actually really excited about all this. True new beginnings, new projects, learning from the past nine years and work on improvements from it. Being reborn and starting new things. So me and this same friend the other evening during the New Moon spoke about goals we want to achieve the next thirty days and what we want to do going into 2019. As we were speaking and meditating three big questions came to my spirit. They were perfect and they will guide me during this new year. So I wanted to share them because these questions might just help you all in some way.

Question 1: Does this make me happy?

This goes for anything. Does this piece of clothing make me happy? Does this activity make me happy? Does this song make me happy? If whatever it is doesn't bring a smile to my face than fuck it, I am not messing with it. My happiness is of utmost importance this year as I go into doing new things and grow into loving myself. For my readers, seriously, if your goals this year is the same thing than before you decide anything, ask yourself, are you happy about it?

Question 2: Do I feel good doing this?

This is a question of action. You get invited somewhere, do you feel good about it? You go on an interview, do you feel good about the job? A family function coming up, do you feel good about seeing them? Any type of inkling of doubt or "eh do I really want to go" than ask yourself this and make the best and happiest decision for you. I know I will be doing this often.

Question 3: Does this person fulfill my time?

This is probably the most important question for me honestly. People's influence, negativity, habits, character are extremely important to decide if you want to be around that person at that time. I can't even begin to tell you how often I had a great day and then I went to hang out with someone who totally destroyed the mood because of their negativity or habits. Everyone is going through shit and our cycles aren't always going to match up with everyone's in our lives. We could be super high off life and our best friend could be in a really bad place. It is okay to either console them or decide for yourself "hey know what, I had a bad week and today is a good day. I need this time to myself." There are also things you have to come to accept you just aren't about anymore. I used to be a big marijuana smoker, yes I'll admit it. However now I realize it does nothing for me except make me feel more down and sometimes really badly depressed. I used to love going out every single weekend to four in the morning. Now I am more strict on where I am going and I consider my body so I will be home at a better hour. It doesn't make me old or a party pooper. It just means I have other things I want to do for my week and going out late a few nights a week will throw off other things. So my big party friends I might have to catch at a different time. I am opening myself up to people who love food, being active, spiritually in tuned, love to travel, eat well, book snobs, home dinner dates kind of people. I want to be laughing, joking, loving the people I choose to be with. Like the saying goes seriously watch the company you keep. Energetic vampires, self destructing people will attach to you. Especially if you are a healer or positive person. Hate and envy is out there. So really decide who are the people you want to go and spend time with. You decide at that moment to make that person a priority over doing something else, so make sure your time with them will be make you happy. I am not saying either if someone needs you and you love them to ditch them, it goes based off your emotions. If you are down for consoling them and hearing them out great. Just make sure it won't drag you down, stay upbeat for them and be their shoulder to cry on. Just make sure you aren't feeling energetically drained by the end of it.

So here it is, the three big questions I will be asking for 2019. Life is short and there is no point in spending it constantly doing things to make other people happy while we remain miserable personally. Today I opting to spend time alone with myself, not just blogging, but to read and write in the living room while my partner remains in our room and my roommate is away. I spoke to just my mother and my friend who did the numerology with me because I knew they would fulfill my time. I ate what I wanted, listened to music I enjoyed, and am enjoying my time by the Christmas tree next to me fur baby. Tomorrow begins a new week so I will be mapping out what needs to get done for the week also.